So I’ve been working on making a habit of writing a minimum of 1500 words a day on whatever story I’m working on at the moment. At first I’ll be honest, it was a total pain. I’d get stuck, get lost, write something and think “Hey this sucks, I just wasted my time!” then delete everything I’d just written.
But I’ve noticed in the last week or so, things have gotten somewhat to much easier. Maybe it’s because that with the next story I have other viewpoints to go from. One of the hardest things with the first part of perception, was that while I rather liked the Jameston character, he was pretty much the only character in the book. And writing everything from his standpoint after a while, got a bit.. dull? I’m glad I did it, it did force me to really flesh him out more. Which was awesome, from a getting into writing standpoint.
But from a standpoint of making it interesting TO write, I struggled somewhat. With this story I’m doing now, Part II of the Perception Project, I’ve got other people to write for? through? with? Whatever you want to call it. I’m finding it much easier to carry the story along than I did the first time.
I think in a way this is also helping me with something I’ve long known about myself. A lot of people, struggle with a fear of failure. I’m not one of them. I struggle with a fear of success.
Now, you may wonder what the hell I’m talking about. Fear of success? What’s that? That’s stupid!
Yeah, fear of success. If you’ve read my “about” part of the blog (go read now, I’ll be here waiting..) you’ll know I used to do a lot of theatre work. And cooking work, and even art. I’ve always done creative things to various degrees.
However what you don’t know is that in each of those area’s, I had professionals , real working professionals say “Your good enough to do this for a living, stay on it, keep working on it!” and know that they actually meant it. And, in every case, I almost always QUIT whatever endeavor it was, soon afterward.
Why? I’m not totally sure. Maybe it was the attention. I hate attention. It’s one reason marketing the book(s) has been a mighty struggle for me. I don’t LIKE putting myself out there. I love the work, but hate the attention. Back when I did theater, I ALWAYS wanted and auditioned for supporting roles. This sometimes caused issues, as I was told more than once, that my “stage presence” upstaged the main.
Writing has forced me to work through this fear of success.
a) It’s allowed me to do something creative, privately, but also forced me to put myself out there to market the book(s).
b) In a way it’s a passive way of getting feedback on what I’m doing (ie reviews)
To put that second point in perspective, I have a family reunion come up soon. Most of them have read the first book.. and I know they enjoyed it. (And with these people, they don’t just say they like it if they don’t.) and I’m actually hoping no one says anything to me about the books. I don’t like in person praise.
I’m weird I know!
